


Nadir

by LauraCeleste



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: F/M, Post-S6, Prison
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-19
Updated: 2018-05-19
Packaged: 2019-05-09 01:15:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14706353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LauraCeleste/pseuds/LauraCeleste
Summary: Two months into his imprisonment, Oliver receives his first visitors. Diggle's POV.





	Nadir

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written fic in a long time but the way they chose to handle Oliver's decision in the finale drove me to do so as catharsis for my feelings on the matter. The opening is a little weak but I hope you'll look past it as I am quite proud of the conversation that follows. Enjoy...
> 
> NOTE: since I published this, I learned that visits are not handled like this; they would happen behind glass through a telephone. Oops.

Shrill screeching from the prison door alarm forewarns the arrival of a prisoner, heralded by angry-looking armed guards surrounding him. The rattle of chains from the hallway is familiar; I once wore those chains two years ago, I know their weight and hopelessness. I had the good fortune then to be rescued by a friend; a favor I wish I could return to him now, though our circumstances have made it nearly impossible. 

The flash of orange between the guards catches my eye as the prisoner is led into the room and I startle at my first sight of him. Initial observation is that he’s thinner; the prison jumpsuit hangs on him shapelessly and his shoulders are hunched from the weight of the shackles on his wrists. He seems meek, humbled, devoid of the confidence he always wore like armor. My first emotion is pity but it soon gives way to sorrow. This is not the same man I fought beside; fought with, even. Two months in prison cut off from his source of light has done this.

He lifts his head and my shock is instant. His hair is shaved close to his scalp, not unlike his Ra’s al Ghul phase. His beard is starting to grow out and covers darkened patches on hollowed cheeks, but his watery eyes are the same piercing shade of blue. One seems darker than the other, and as he steps into the light I recognize the yellow tinge of a fading bruise. 

“Hey, buddy,” he says in a voice hoarse from disuse. He only has eyes for his son; the corners of his mouth tremble as they attempt to crack a smile. 

William is sitting at the cold metal table with his hands clasped in front of him, his stony face hiding the emotions he didn’t hide from me on the flight. 

“Hi, dad,” he said coldly.

The boy has grown two inches since they last saw one another. I have seen him evolve from a troubled, emotional child after his mom died to a bright mature young man enjoying his unorthodox family, and lately to a sullen, closed off teen in the weeks following the arrest. His dad takes the seat in front of him and turns to the guards with his shackled wrists upraised, a hopeful expression brightening his eyes, but a sneer and head-shake from the guard darkened them again as he turned back around to face us. 

“It took us a while to get them to let us visit you,” I explained. Oliver’s eyes lift to me and he smiles & nods thankfully.

“You have no idea how great it is to see you. Both of you,” he says, clasping his hands in front of him. The cuffs clang loudly on the desk which cause William to recoil; I can tell by his stricken expression Oliver takes that to heart.

“You’ve grown,” he finally says to William, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

“You’ve shrunk,” William says, and i’m not sure if it’s meant to be a joke or a true observation.

“Yeah, prison food doesn’t fill me out like my cooking, huh?” Oliver attempts another weak smile, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. They flick up to me and I can read the sorrow in them. He is finally understanding the devastation he left behind; I’m not sure he expected this. 

“Why is your eye bruised?” 

Oliver starts to reach up and touch his face but remembers they are shackled. “Oh, uh, someone got a little grumpy at dinner one day, it was nothing. Happens all the time. They put me in solitary to keep me safe.” 

Judging from the color of the bruise, I’d guess that was ten, maybe fourteen days ago. I wonder if he’s been in solitary that long, and how many days prior to that has he been there. Solitary is at least safer than gen pop, I suppose. That’s been one of the things we’ve all worried about; if he might share the same fate as Roy. Supermax isn’t like Iron Heights; this is where they lock up folks that society wants to forget. I’m sure the last two months have been a nightmare for him. 

“So, how’s your summer break going, buddy?” He is trying to change the subject, trying to engage the boy away from his appearance, make it look like everything is fine. “Been keeping busy?” 

“Some of the Ar...the, uh, security guys’ll play some ball every now and then. Can’t go outside much. Trying to teach JJ how to play too.” The friendship that has blossomed between my son and William has been one of the few highlights of our circumstances. With Oliver’s arrest and statement of his identity, we whisked his family into immediate Argus custody at the safehouse where Lyla and I have been living with JJ. The two boys have had a dire lack of young company and bonded over their similar circumstances. 

“That’s fantastic, I’m glad you and JJ are there with each other. Maybe once things calm down and get back to normal you can…” 

“...What are you talking about?” William interrupts angrily, and I hear the telltale sign of an outburst starting. “Things are never going to be normal, never! My mom’s dead, my dad’s in prison and my other mo….” 

He stops himself before he mentions her. Oliver’s eyes widen but he remains silent, frozen with surprise and hanging on to William’s words, wanting to hear them so desperately. They sit there in silence staring at each other, a deep and impassable rift between them though they sit only three feet apart. It squeezes my heart to see the two this way.

“I know, buddy, I’m so…” 

“Don’t you dare say you’re sorry!” He shrieks and shoves back his chair, the metal screeching on metal punctuating his anger. His fists ball at his hips as he screams at his dad with words that wound as deeply as Dinah’s cry. “Don’t you dare! You did this to us, you destroyed our lives! You abandoned us!” 

I know that isn’t completely true. I know Oliver did what he did as he felt he was backed into a corner and thought he was sacrificing himself to save everyone else. He was trying to be selfless but in typical Oliver fashion he didn’t fully analyze the cost of the sacrifice. 

Oliver’s face is a crumpled mess of despair and love; I can tell he wants to comfort the boy, wants to get up and hug him but the angry men with guns behind him keep him firmly seated at the table. “William, I… I love you so much. I just...I felt it was the right thing to do. I just wanted you and Felicity…” 

“...Don’t you dare say her name!” 

That startles even me; Oliver pauses, starts to say something else, then pinches his lips tightly together. He glances at me for reaction and I just shake my head, as surprised as he is. I know William and she are as thick as thieves and he might even be a little bit in love with her, if she weren’t his stepmom. She has been teaching him how to code and he’s a natural; Lyla even joked that he could be Felicity 2.0 someday. I’ve also seen his father’s natural protective instincts running strong in him and he is the first to offer comfort when she crumbles. But this, this I didn’t see coming.

“All that talk about our family, the future, about loving us, being the best part of you; there was never a family, never a future! We just pretended like there was. It never really existed. You were the Green Arrow first, the mayor second, and my dad third. And what time was left over, you decided to play at being a husband. Well, she is the best thing that ever happened to me and I won’t let you hurt her ever again.” 

For a moment I thought Oliver was going to be sick. Heck, even my gut boiled a little at the boy’s words. He’s right, to an extent. I had said something similar to him in our fight, maybe skewed a little differently but the same impact is there. He attempted to spread himself too thin, trying to be everything to everybody. In the end, he failed all of them. 

Oliver’s eyes seem unfocused and lost; he is staring at the door behind William as if willing it to open, hoping that another may come through to calm the boy down. He and I are the only two that came, and I knew that would hurt Oliver once he figured that out. 

“I…” he started, then stopped as his voice cracked. He’s barely holding it together, the weight of his cuffs on the table keeping him upright. His muscles are sobbing but he is straining with the effort of keeping his face straight. My heart is cracking for the two of them. “I never meant to hurt you, buddy. I could never hurt you, either of you....” 

“And you lie again! You are such a liar! I’ll always come home, I’ll always be there, I can never hurt you…well, you didn’t, you won’t, and you did!” William is hysterical now; I need to do something to calm him down but I’m afraid of making it worse. It’s like all the emotion, all the anger he has bottled up since last summer has crafted a truth bullet pointed directly at his dad’s heart and he just pulled the trigger.

Oliver’s mouth just hangs open in shock, his eyes still focused on the door handle behind his son. Knowing his penchant for self-punishment he is telling himself he deserves this, he is a terrible person, they are better off without him, this is totally understandable. That’s what triggers me to speak up. 

“Hey, William, do you mind if I talk to your dad alone for a few?” 

The boy turns toward me and takes a shuddering breath. “This was a mistake, Mr. Diggle, I’m sorry, I’ll…” 

“No, no, it’s cool, you needed to get that out. Just give me a few to talk to your dad, ok?” 

William nods and with one final angry glance back at his dad, turns and throws the door open. The guards instantly shift forward in case Oliver tried to make a run for it, but at this point he couldn’t move if he wanted to. Once the door slams shut, I turn to Oliver and pull out the chair gently to avoid the jarring screech. 

His face reminds me of a day long ago in the first bunker under Verdant, when he stared into the darkness and told me he didn’t want to die down there. “So don’t, Oliver,” I had said to him then. The face that I look into now is worse and I don’t have the words to fix it. 

“She didn’t come, did she?” He finally whispers. 

“Nah, man, not this time. I wanted her to, but it’s still pretty raw.” He nods, accepting what I didn’t say; that she doesn’t want to see him yet.

“Well, you aren’t delivering papers to me, so that’s a good sign.” He smiles weakly and lets his eyes finally spill over, tears pouring down his hollow cheeks and disappearing into his beard. The smile doesn’t last long. 

“You know she’d hack in and file them herself if she really wanted it done.” 

It was meant to be a joke, but the stricken look on Oliver’s face tells me it probably was too soon. “Kidding, man. Sorry, just trying to lighten the mood. No, no papers. Lyla talked to her quite a bit and is trying to help her come to terms with it. She just needs time.” 

“I would understand,” he said quietly. “I might as well have left her a widow. It probably would have been easier if I had. Go out a martyr, you know. Maybe would have put less of a target on their backs.” 

“Don’t you dare, man. Don’t you dare say that!” Rage rushes into my head and I have to take a deep breath to remember I’m supposed to be putting him back together after William just shattered him. “Oliver, do you know what would have happened if you had died? We wouldn’t be talking about needing time before she comes to see you, we would have been talking about finding the light in her again, because she would have completely closed herself off from us all. Worse than she did when you died before.” 

“She never needed me. I’ve only ever held her back, kept her from a promising career, made her have to learn to be a mom when she never really wanted to be….”

He’s in full-on self-destruct mode. I need to diffuse this before he does something stupid. 

“Oliver, it’s not like that, man. You and Felicity, you are the only constant in this mess. She may be mad as hell at you, but she still loves you with every fiber of her being and when we get you out….” 

“...Maybe now that I’m out of the picture, she will get to be herself again,” he finishes. “Get back to the things that she loves, that makes her happy.” 

“Oliver, you are the thing she loves!” I slap the metal table in frustration. “You didn’t keep her from being herself by being with her, you were a part of who she was! Remember how when you guys went to Ivy Town, you wanted to distance yourself from Star City but she still kept a toe dipped in what was going on because she missed making a difference? I know, sure as I’m sitting here, that the two of you, together, make each other your best selves. We saw that before you left, when you were escaping the hideout. We will get through this. We are still working, every day, trying to figure out how to get you out of here. Legally,” I insist, glancing up at the guards behind him. 

I can tell by his expression he doesn’t believe a word I said. He’s fully lost in his own thoughts, smiling softly to himself. 

“Ivy Town. Sometimes I wish we’d never left. I was happy, but she needed more. I should have realized it then. God, I’ve been so selfish. Should have just let her be with Palmer. Is Palmer still single?” 

“I’m not going to play It’s a Wonderful Life with you, Oliver,” I growl, tired of his self-deprecating jokes. “Besides, I think he’s hooking up with Damien Darkh’s daughter.” 

The blank stare and raised eyebrow from him tells me he thinks I’m joking. I’ll let him keep thinking that.

“Yes, she’s angry at you. And hurt. How many times over the past few months did she say to you that you were partners, a team, married and that meant you weren’t alone, that you needed to include her? You spent time with me, with each other member of the team, but you couldn’t find time to tell her, the one who needed to know, the one whose life would be most impacted by you getting carted away to prison? It stung like betrayal, Oliver, it stung as bad as when you hid William from her. She may come to terms with what you had to do, but it was how you did it that hurts her the most. She’s really struggling with that, Oliver, I’m not going to lie. She’s also drawing parallels to her father, and the fact that you’ve left her as a single parent, just like her mother was. It’s just brought all those insecurities to the surface. Oliver, I know this isn’t helping,” I say because his face has fallen back into full-on despair, “but I need you to know this because I need you to start thinking about how you’re going to fix it when you get out of here.” 

“How the hell can I fix this?” he yelled, burying the heels of his hands in his eyes. “I just thought at least she would have William and be safe. I made this decision for her, just like she asked me not to. I get it...Damn it, I screwed up. Again, Digg.” 

“I need you to give us time. We’re going to find out how to get you out of here. There is no way we will let you do life in prison without a fight. We’re trying to paint that the good you’ve done for the world outweighs the bad and you deserve a pardon for that. I just need you to remember who you are, alright? Hey,” I tug on the shackles to get him to lower his hands and make sure he is looking up at me, and I focus intently on his tear-reddened eyes. “Remember that you are a husband, and a father, and a friend. When I was in prison two years ago, that’s what I told myself every day. You have to have faith, man. Don’t let this place get to you. Please, I’m begging you. Because when you get out of here, you’ll have a lot of work to do to get your family back in order.” 

He nods, but there is still defeat in his eyes. I think our meeting today has made it worse. Seeing William go off like he did, knowing Felicity didn’t come to see him; he understands better than before what a mess he left behind. I hope we can hold him together long enough to see some sort of resolution. 

“Time’s up!” The guard closest to Oliver steps forward and pulls out his club with one hand as he grips Oliver’s right bicep and yanks him to his feet. They start to surround him, manhandling him into the prisoner position he was in before. I can see his natural fight response start to surface before he clamps it down when the guard grips his arm tighter. That is good; I need to see that fire in him still because that means the Oliver I know is still in there, still fighting. I need him to have hope in case he needs to fight to survive. 

“Let me handle it, okay?” I call out as they start to push him to the door. “I know the last year’s been rough on our friendship, Oliver, but I still love you like a brother and I’m going to do my damndest to keep your family safe until you get out of here.” 

“Please give William a hug for me,” he stammers as they push and pull him away. He’s rambling in desperation and I’m failing to keep the emotion off my own face. “Tell Felicity...Tell her I love her, tell her I’m sorry… she has every right to hate me, but please tell her that I’ll spend every second of every day in here figuring out how to be the man she needs me to be, and if she doesn’t need me, I’ll…” 

They are tugging him toward the door now. The door alarm screams through the sound of the struggle as he desperately tries to finish his thought. Who knows when the Supermax facility will let us see him again. 

“I just miss her, Digg, this is me without her. Please keep them safe...let them be happy, please!” 

“They’re safe, Oliver. And she still loves you. You’ll get to see her again someday.” 

He nods resolutely as they successfully march him out the door. The echoing slam of the heavy locks engaging restores me to my certainty; we must get him out of here, and soon, before we lose him completely. 

As I leave the room the first thing I see is William, sitting on a bench with his arms wrapped around himself, rocking slowly back and forth. He gasps and stands up, embarrassed. 

“Is my dad ok?” Leave it to William to still be worried about his dad no matter how angry at him he is. “I’m sorry, I just got so angry and I couldn’t control myself. I didn’t mean to hurt him.”

“It’s all good, man. Your dad is strong, and he knows now how you felt so you and he can start to patch things up. He’s very sorry that he hurt you. You know he loves you, right?” William nods and I pull him into a hug. “It’s not going to be easy, but we’ve just got to have faith in what we’re working on, that we’ll be able to save him, like he saved us.” 

The truth is, through asking them to have faith, I hope it will help me have faith myself.

**Author's Note:**

> The definition of "Nadir" is basically "The Lowest Point." Antonym of Zenith. The showwriters' choice to have Oliver make the decision and leave the way he did has bothered me for days and this fic was my catharsis to get it out. I hope it was cathartic to read as well. It would mean so much to me to hear your thoughts about this fic, please comment if you have thoughts on it!


End file.
